


Seduction is the Path to Adoption

by alfisha, CuriousChurro (AdrianaSlytherin20)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adoption, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Harry Potter is So Done, Kinda, M/M, Tom Riddle is His Own Warning, lucius is a cock block, neither is the voldemort dumbass one, someone help him i stg, thats not a tag but it should be, voldemort is a dumbass, we been knew, what is ao3 doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alfisha/pseuds/alfisha, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianaSlytherin20/pseuds/CuriousChurro
Summary: Alternative title: lord daddy daycareVoldemort weighs up the pros and cons of having his own... spawn. In the end, the pros outweigh the cons, and now he has to take on his next mission: convincing Harry that this is a good idea. Of course, the only way to do that is through seduction.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 43
Kudos: 90
Collections: distractions 💬 halloween big bang 2020





	Seduction is the Path to Adoption

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Snowy_Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy_Rain/pseuds/Snowy_Rain) in the [Distractions_Halloween_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Distractions_Halloween_2020) collection. 
  * In response to a prompt by [Snowy_Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy_Rain/pseuds/Snowy_Rain) in the [Distractions_Halloween_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Distractions_Halloween_2020) collection. 



> Dialogue Prompt:  
> Voldemort, waking at 3 AM from a fantastic fever dream: Harry, Harry wake up  
> Harry, half asleep: Mnnnhh  
> Voldemort: Okay so, if I make a Horcrux, and you make a Horcrux  
> Voldemort: what if we then put them all into the same thing  
> Harry: Tom, that's a fucking kid. Go back to sleep  
> (Little did Harry know, he had planted a curious idea in his husband's head)
> 
> join voldy on his journey of seducing harry, and share his frustration at the cock block that is also known as lucius malfoy.  
> me and churro spent a long time on this. the whole of october, actually. this is for the distractions halloween big bang, and it was very fun to write. updates will continue after halloween as well.  
> enjoy
> 
> As Alisha so graciously said we worked the whole month on this and will definitely finish it, though consistent updates probably won't be available.  
> This is my first fic and without Alisha I wouldnt have got through this so I'm very grateful for her.  
> This is getting a bit long so enjoy

Lord Voldemort had a wonderful idea.

Maybe even his greatest idea yet. 

Nevermind the fact that it was inspired by his most recent dream (which was fabulous, by the way), or that he woke up in a cold sweat at 4am thinking about it.

In fact, this idea of his was so wonderful that he instantly knew that it was  _ absolutely essential _ that he share it with his darling husband. 

Like, at that exact second. 

Even though he  _ knew  _ that Harry was  _ not  _ a morning person.

“Harry!” He whisper-shouted into the darkness, shaking the sleeping form next to him. “Harry dear, wake up!”

“Mnnnhh.” 

That would not do.

“Harry! This is important!”

“Fucking what?” Harry mumbled, sounding annoyed and still half asleep.

Rude. 

“Okay, so, listen very carefully Harry; what if...  _ I  _ make a Horcrux, and  _ you  _ make a Horcrux, and both of our souls are in the same thing?” Voldemort hissed excitedly. Honestly, sometimes he just couldn’t believe his own genius. He’d have to have dreams like those more often, if this was going to be the outcome.

Harry, surprisingly, did  _ not _ seem to share this opinion.

“Tom, that’s a fucking kid. Now go back to sleep you moron.”

“But  _ Harry- _ ” He started, and no, he did  _ not _ whine, because he is a dark lord and no respectable dark lord would ever do something so... plebeian.

“No.” The sleepy yet still very irritated voice cut him off. “I’m tired and just because  _ you’re  _ an overworked insomniac, doesn’t mean  _ I  _ have to be. Goodnight.” 

And with that, his husband pointedly turned his back on him, and continued with his beauty sleep.

Voldemort huffed indignantly, flopping back down onto his pillow with a frown. “I’m not an insomniac, and I’ll prove it.” He whispered bitingly, settling down and attempting to sleep. But something just wouldn’t leave him alone. ‘That’s a fucking kid’. What did  _ that  _ mean? 

_ Surely  _ Harry wasn’t suggesting that they have a…  _ child?  _

No. He couldn’t have been. The very notion of Lord Voldemort being a father was ridiculous!

Children need someone there to watch them constantly, to tend to their miniscule problems and  _ play along  _ to their nonsensical games! And Voldemort did not dote on  _ anyone _ .

Well, Harry was an exception, of course, but Harry was an exception to most things! As far as Voldemort was concerned, his darling husband was the only one who deserved even a shred of his affection. 

But… Surely there were  _ some  _ merits to having your own offspring? Otherwise, why would people do it so often?

Oh, right. To prevent the entire species going extinct. 

After all, not everyone could be as brilliant as him - some people were just weak enough to  _ die _ . So the great Lord Voldemort did not need children for that reason - he can continue his own legacy, thank you very much. 

So, why  _ else _ would he want a child? Sentimental value? Surely not - he doesn’t need, nor want it. Sentimentality was for the weak-willed,  _ emotional  _ peasants. 

However, he supposed that wasn’t entirely true. After all, he did do  _ some  _ things out of sentimentality. For example, buying flowers for Harry every month on their anniversary date could be considered as such.

Anywho, even if  _ he  _ didn’t want a child, he was certain that  _ Harry  _ would want one. He was always good with children, and with his sweet caring nature he would certainly be a wonderful parent; any child would be lucky to have him as theirs! Voldemort knew Harry would love a child to dote on and fuss over. 

Hmm... he could see it then, a beautiful boy with his face and Harry’s brilliant green eyes, or maybe even his mop of unruly black hair, kicking his legs at the dinner table as his husband lovingly feeds him freshly made food.

The scene is almost… idyllic. A feeling in the base of Voldemort’s gut, something quite like yearning, stirred hungrily, baring its wicked fangs and refusing to rest until that yearning, that  _ wanting,  _ was quenched. 

Maybe having a child  _ was _ beneficial. Having an heir to be his right-hand man, with unquestioned loyalty - familial bonds were hard to break after all - could prove useful. And maybe, just  _ maybe _ , having a child who would look at him as if he was omniscient could be entertaining, and a large boost to his ego; not that he needed it.

If Harry could hear these inner ramblings, he’d snort and tell him he already had an over-inflated ego, and that he should try researching a spell that would shrink his ever-growing big head.

Voldemort permitted himself an amused curve of his lips at his husband’s snarky attitude, even in his imagination. 

Speaking of Harry, Voldemort really did need to get his input. It would be a little… disconcerting if he showed up with a child one day. He turned over once again, giving his arm a gentle shake.

“Harry, darling, wake up” Incoherent mumbling came from the other side of the bed. He sighed exasperatedly at his husband’s stubborn refusal to cooperate; whatever shall he do with him? 

“Harry, how would you feel about having a child?”

“Ugh, you’re still going on about this? I’ll talk to you in the morning, just  _ go to sleep.” _

Oh well, it was worth a  _ try.  _

Voldemort also suspected that if he told Harry that it  _ was _ , indeed morning, it would result in injury.

* * *

  
  


Voldemort didn’t sleep for the rest of the night (or rather, morning).

There was just too much to think about. He hadn’t been this restless since his consideration of marrying Harry; who, by the way,  _ didn’t  _ talk to him about it in the morning. 

Forgetful little minx.

They sat at the breakfast table in the dining room in silence, both of them content to just bask in the presence of the other. Harry was still shaking off the exhaustion that dragged him down every morning, and Voldemort was anxiously contemplating the outcomes of bringing up the topic.

Which was totally ridiculous. Since when did he get  _ anxious  _ about anything? He had no need to be; he knew Harry wouldn’t react  _ violently,  _ and the worst that could happen was rejection. 

For some reason, that thought didn’t cheer him up as much as he thought it would.

He pushed the food on his plate around with a perfectly polished silver fork, barely even comprehending what the food  _ was _ . Harry, ignorant of his inner turmoil, spoke up. 

“Hey, are we still going to that event this week?”

Voldemort had completely forgotten about the event. But it would not do for a Dark Lord to  _ forget _ anything, so he pretended he did. 

“Of course, yes, we are going to that Event that is happening this week, it is very important”

“You don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, do you?”

Shit. How did Harry find out? Well, he  _ had  _ always known him well. Harry was the only one who could tell what he was truly thinking, even at the most inconvenient times. “It  _ may  _ have slipped my mind.”

Harry grinned, and popped a grape in his mouth. Hmm, so it was fruit salad. “Thought so. We’re going to the Malfoys’ on Friday. They’re having a grand feast, for some reason, I forgot. We were invited a month ago.”

Excellent, exactly the type of event that Voldemort did not want to attend.

Harry must have seen this on his face, for he snorted in amusement. “We can’t back out on it. You never know, it might be  _ really  _ fun.”

“That’s a complete lie and you know it.”

Harry snorted, nodding. Instead of responding, he just smiled into his bowl and shrugged. “We’re going.”

* * *

  
  


Twenty minutes later, Voldemort was pacing in his study. After going over his child speculations in the early hours of morning, he found himself feeling a little… under the weather. His head was spinning, and he felt as though he could drop off to sleep at any moment. He walked around the room in an attempt to keep his mind working, and to not succumb to the darkness of sleep.

He had a plan to hatch. 

Harry needed to cooperate. One way or another, they would agree on having a child. It would not be simple, and the Dark Lord grimaced as he thought of the persuasion that would be necessary. He was used to getting what he wanted instantly - though with Harry, that was not the case. Everything had to be well thought-out, perfect, and he had to be  _ considerate  _ of Harry’s  _ feelings.  _

It was such a pain, though he knew he wouldn’t ever change it. Now that he had Harry, he’d never let him go.

He paused in his pacing for a moment, basking in the satisfaction, and dare he say,  _ pleasure  _ of the knowledge that Harry was  _ his. _

Then the moment passed, and he continued to wear a path into the carpet. 

How could he get Harry to comply?

He continued to pace around his study, deep in thought. All the attempts he previously made to talk about The Child were nonchalantly brushed off with a “not now”, or “later” or, even worse, zero acknowledgement and a quick subject change. 

This was not ideal. 

The Dark Lord was positive that Harry knew  _ exactly  _ what topic he was trying to discuss, and that he was doing his best to avoid the conversation for as long as possible. Again, not ideal.

Voldemort wasn’t a patient wizard. He wanted,  _ needed  _ Harry to be compliant, and right now that just wasn’t happening.

But... Why  _ was  _ he trying to convince Harry? Why was he even contemplating this? He’d never made the conclusive decision that he wanted a child in the first place. And besides - did he even want a spawn following him around all the time?

Sure, he had weighed the pros and cons of having a child, but that was all in theory. As loathe as he was to admit it, Harry may have been right about the fact that he was an insomniac, and ridiculous ideas that made sense in the middle of the night may turn out to be highly flawed once put into action.

Yet he was sure that Harry would appreciate having a little human around, and if he was being completely honest, he would love to see Harry chasing their child around the garden, smiles upon each of their faces. Perhaps they’d toss a ball to one another, or play games that they would insist that Voldemort join in on. 

Once again, Voldemort stilled as a pleasant emotion welled up inside of him, and a small smile crept unconsciously over his face. He was relatively sure it was similar to the yearning from last night, though much gentler this time. Maybe his midnight idea wasn’t as hare-brained as he first thought. And maybe, just  _ maybe _ he did want a child after all. 

This revelation, though slightly pleasant, was certainly jarring. He paused for a few moments, mentally counting to thirty. 

Everything was fine. 

So now that he realised that yes, a child would be ideal, he would have to finally convince Harry. Which he already knew had gone appallingly.

His husband was comically stubborn, and if he did not wish to speak about something, then he would not, even if Voldemort could not think of a reason as to why Harry would avoid speaking about it.

He needed to catch him at a time where he was compliant, willing to listen to anything Voldemort had to say.

But when?

Dosing his spouse with some kind of potion without consent was out of the question. He respected Harry far too much to do that, and suspected that once it wore off, he would be in for quite a berating.

But he wasn’t going to control his decision-making or anything. He just needed Harry to merely  _ listen  _ and  _ stop deflecting his questions. _

Suddenly, an idea blossomed in his mind.

It was terrible. It was a horrible, godawful idea, and probably would not work. Which was why it was absolutely genius. 

Often, after a good round of copulation, Harry would be rather tired, and content. He’d cuddle up to Voldemort, basking in the post coital haze, and happily be subject to whatever conversation the Dark Lord happened to come up with at that time, even if it was “boring political shit”, as Harry so eloquently described it. 

So, it was obvious that if he wanted Harry to be willing to listen to him, he should have the conversation after making that sweet sweet love juice with him. Voldemort turned the idea over in his head, looking through each of the possible outcomes.

Harry could fall asleep immediately after. It didn’t happen often, though he’d have to make sure that his spouse was not exhausted beforehand. He could mindlessly agree, which would be helpful, but could also lead to him forgetting his agreement as well. He could also become suddenly self-aware and vehemently reject Voldemort’s proposition.

And the sex would have to be particularly mind-blowing to  _ loosen  _ \- Voldemort permitted himself a small smirk at his wording - Harry up just enough that he would still be coherent but docile, but not overly so that he would accuse him of  _ manipulating  _ him. 

As if he’d ever stoop so low. 

This would take careful planning, and Lord Voldemort was nothing if not a master strategist.

Now that he had a general idea of how to go about this, all that was left to do was to come up with a plan to get Harry into bed with him. 

It would have to be grand. It would have to be elegant. It would have to be  _ more than adequate _ . He cannot have the invitation to his fornication chamber be meager and  _ basic.  _ He was a Lord, Harry was his most precious possession, and they were each worth more than a simple “Wanna fuck?”. 

No, they were special.  _ Harry _ was special. Which meant that their intercourse would have to be  _ more _ than special, from start to finish. 

And this was an  _ extra special _ occasion since it could mark the beginning of welcoming a child,  _ his heir, _ into their home, into their  _ life _ \- which up until then consisted of only the two of them.

Voldemort stopped his pacing for the final time, gazing out of the window at the grounds below in satisfaction.

This had the potential to be his greatest plan yet.

**Author's Note:**

> So that was.......interesting to write. I certainly didn't expect my first fanfic to be a cracky kid fic but hey this is great too. Please point out any mistakes in the comments as we really didn't get to beta read it properly. And shout out to the lovely distractions people who calmed me down and encouraged whenever I got panicked about the deadline, which was often, Love you guys.


End file.
